Guate_shooter
LA CHP Instructor # 522
Hazardous Materials Information Systems
Material Safety Data Sheet: Woman - A Chemical Analysis
NAME: woman (en), Frau (de), femme (fr), donna (it), mujer (es)
NICKNAMES: girl, chick, babe or in Dutch meid, lekkerding
FORMULA: Not exactly specified: a mixture of hard parts (bones) consisting of calcium phosphate, furthermore about 70% of water
MANUFACTURE: by self-reproduction
TYPE: Mostly organic
ATOMIC SIZE: ranging from 1.56m to 1.88m height, sizes in confectionary units 36...56, some adult samples of size 34 are reported .
FW: ranging from 48..110 kg, some ultralight adult samples of 47kg and 1.57m are reported.
CAS RN: Every sample has a unique RN, usually the Civil Service number e.g. 1167-85-536 or 2395-94-484
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PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
A large number of allotropic forms have been observed
Transparency, hardness, color/shading vary within wide limits
The color of the pure substance exhibited by many specimens is a surface phenomenon, ranging from pinkish to dark brown
Most color variations are due to various types of strongly adhering powder
Some exposed surfaces may also be covered with painted film, lotions and/or creams
Thickness of all extracellular substances appear to increase with specimen's age
Caution: Exposed hair on some specimens may not be natural color
The boiling point for some is quite low, and may boil w/o apparent reason
Some specimens may also freeze without warning/reason, or at any moment
All varieties can melt, but only if given special and individualized treatment
Bitter if incorrectly used
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore
Yields to pressure applied to correct points
The vast majority of specimens do not age gracefully
Both stable and unstable unions have been described with the element man
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CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum and all precious stones
Able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances
Seemingly unlimited quantities of expensive food can be absorbed
May get severely inflammable if left alone with (usually a single) sample of man. One Mermaid sample is reported to increase flammability strongly when her skin is exposed to sunlight.
May ignite or explode spontaneously if combined man is together with another sample of Woman
Insoluble in most liquids; Woman absorbs many liquids without dissolving in them
Activity may greatly increase upon saturation in alcohol
Most powerful money-reducing agent known
Sometimes however money-generating
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OCCURRENCE:
Abundant in nature and is found in both the free and combined states
Often found combined with the element Man , but these combinations can be decomposed by another Man or by herself in some cases when the combination is unstable.
Estimated count worldwide about 2 billion adult samples.
Many (as yet unexplained) regional differences in appearance and behavior
Often found in combination with small quantities of precious metal (Au/Ag/Pt/Pd) alloys around finger(s), wrests, ankle, tongue, ears, navel or nipples.
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TESTS:
Studies complicated by the fact that residual attraction is never satisfied
Pure specimen turns sometimes rosy pink (Europe / N-America / Australia), most allotropic forms in chocolate brown when discovered in natural state
In general, they tend to explode spontaneously if in conflict with the element man particularly when another sample of woman is involved
Unlike many men think, Most samples are not for household and (child) care only.
Turns green when placed beside better or more polished sample
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HAZARDS:
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands
Can be unstable and/or explosive
Attempt to phycical contact should not be taken too quickly as men want, apply emotional and caring and listening first and never expect physical contact as a result
One should be consious about unexpected freezing: paying attention about feeling will prevent this in most cases.
Let her tell her story and listen with attention, do not propose solutions for problems she tells the latter is what men tend to do.
When physical contact is performed with a virtually unknown sample always use latex protection
A very small minority however have a great affinity to physical contact, regardless of appearence
Samples between 20 and 35 years of age can be particularly dangerous
May be affected by phases of the moon, or nothing at all
Radioactivity: Traces of 40K (potassium isotope 40, 10..20mg per sample).
Flammability: Most samples, particularly the very emotical ones in combination with an attractive and romantic sample of the element man.
Explosiveness: Most samples which are not very stress resistant or think they know everything very well. Or having / maintaining more than one sample at the same time may result in explosive or vigorous reactions.
Virus hazard: ALWAYS use latex protection when handling with your eleventh finger unless you know very sure of the history of the sample.
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LOCAL/STATE/FEDERAL LAWS:
Illegal to own more than one specimen outright at a time
Illegal to attempt phycical contact without her consent
i Disposal laws are complex and extremely costly
Some select specimens are acceptable for recycling
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NFPA 704
Health hazard / poison:
0 You can trust her fully
1 She not always tells the truth
2 She hides something
3 Not honest
4 She betrays you or may even take your money or other assets
Flammability:
0 Insenstitive
1 A little sensitive
2 Emotional
3 Falls very easily in love
4 Watch out! Lots of ups and downs
Reactivity:
0 Everything is OK for her
1 Leaves you being yourself
2 Tries to change your plans
3 Tries to control your life
4 Watch out ! Lots of arguments with each other !
Other hazards:
OX Tries to change your personality
COR Your self-esteem is in danger since the relationship with her
