HIRE ME.

[kyle ray]

i first read this today on tigerdroppings that site is my other guilty pleasure.
thought it was funny

 

[MyTFAL]

I could use a Tec 9 mechanic...............

 

[Nomad.2nd]

I just turned it in to my advisor. One of my stupid classes to graduate requires me to do a bunch of pointless crap - like write a job application. I figure why not go out in a blaze of profanity

Sadly, I posted this last night. I've already gotten two job offers. Hahahaha.

LMFAO!

For what?

 

[alex]

Just edited the ad - one less microwave.

Alex - I do not have an older sister named Lori. Is she hot?

I went to SHS with her back in the 90's. She was indeed easy on the eyes.

 

[ericlosh]

op, that was just awesome.

 

[ericlosh]

you said you had 2 job offers, what were they op?

 

[Quickdraw22]

LMFAO!

For what?

One was for a marketing firm, and the other was for some oil company out of Houston. I haven't written a "real" resume in years - this should be interesting.

 

[Booseman]

That is so classic and full of win!!! The sad thing is I live in Lake Charles and looked for a job for 6 months and couldn't get anything. He posts this **** and he gets two offers in less than 24 hours.

 

[CrkdLtr]

That is so classic and full of win!!! The sad thing is I live in Lake Charles and looked for a job for 6 months and couldn't get anything. He posts this **** and he gets two offers in less than 24 hours.

It is sad, but at the same time you have to make yourself stand out from the other skilled laborers out there. If you have two individuals with the same background, experience, education (and not using race as a factor) then the only thing the recruiter has to go on at that point is personality. Will this person fit in with the rest of the employees. It's all about selling yourself to that recruiter. Same goes with resumes. You have to make them stand out. Use a format that 1,000's aren't already using. Use a design that sands out.

This:

vs this:

 

[Quickdraw22]

To whoever sent this to the head of the Engineering department, I thank you. I woke up this morning with 4 very unpleasant emails from my father and various department heads.

 

[Yrdawg]

To whoever sent this to the head of the Engineering department, I thank you. I woke up this morning with 4 very unpleasant emails from my father and various department heads.

any of them make offers ??

 

[Russo]

reminds me of this (LANGUAGE!):

Originally Posted by original ad

This isn't your normal skyline. This motherfcker is the skyline God would drive if he wasn't busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. Its set up to go fast, and go fast sideways. Who doesn't like to get sideway?! Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this car.

Handling? This car handles like a junior executive CEO. Go around corners like the devil himself is chasing you, and not give a fck.

Whats that? You like drifting? Well I've got some great god d@mn news for you. This car was a drift project of mine, and the last owner was planning on making it a drift machine too. Interior is for pussies so we got rid of it. Manly as fck. It literally oozes testosterone. So much so that its puddling up in the back.

Seats? this cocks*cker has got two. One for you, and one for the hot @ss broad thats gunna be all upons your dick after you buy this car. You're a girl? Sh*t works both ways. One seat for you, and one seat for that hot @ss dude you've been trying to hook up with for weeks. Deal with it,sh*ts getting serious.

Stereos and AC are for hippies. Fortunately this car has neither. Oh look at me, I like listen to Simon and Garfunkel and think about puppies. F*ck that. The only noises you're gunna be hearing is the ultra manly engine noises coming from this sweet turbocharged, intercooled, 24 valve inline 6. Sh*ts getting real, real f*cking fast.

This car has got a bright orange ebrake handle (b*tches love orange) with a drift button for those super ultra megahellatastic bar room brawler ebrake lockers. F*ck. Yes.

Now, I'll be honest. The wheels are a little lackluster, although everyones gunna be so focused on your super gangster drifting that nobody is going to give a f*ck about your sh*tty stock 16s. Don't worry, I've got you fcking covered. Its like we're in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Don't worry, friend, I've got your fcking back and I blow charlie to kingdom fcking come. For an extra $450 I can throw in some added p*ssy magnets for wheels, just don't come crawling back to me complaining that you're getting TOO much vajayjay. Bright fcking green 18s. Greens not your thing? Super legit silver 18s. Done like dinner.

This car has got 1.5 metric f*ck tons of awesome parts. Bride, Greddy, Brembo, the list doesn't f*cking END. It just keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny on speed.

You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this car. It will go so fcking fast that you may very well go back in time. It happened to me once. Just once, but it was fcking rad. Its like someone took a rocket and opened its mouth and poured steroids down its throat and and threatened to kill its family if it wasn't the fastest motherfcker you've ever driven.

I get it. You're busy, I'm busy, lets not waste time. If you're interested send me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP. You send me a message, I send you one right back. Thats how this works.

 

[ericlosh]

reminds me of this (LANGUAGE!):

Originally Posted by original ad

This isn't your normal skyline. This motherfcker is the skyline God would drive if he wasn't busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. Its set up to go fast, and go fast sideways. Who doesn't like to get sideway?! Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this car.

Handling? This car handles like a junior executive CEO. Go around corners like the devil himself is chasing you, and not give a fck.

Whats that? You like drifting? Well I've got some great god d@mn news for you. This car was a drift project of mine, and the last owner was planning on making it a drift machine too. Interior is for pussies so we got rid of it. Manly as fck. It literally oozes testosterone. So much so that its puddling up in the back.

Seats? this cocks*cker has got two. One for you, and one for the hot @ss broad thats gunna be all upons your dick after you buy this car. You're a girl? Sh*t works both ways. One seat for you, and one seat for that hot @ss dude you've been trying to hook up with for weeks. Deal with it,sh*ts getting serious.

Stereos and AC are for hippies. Fortunately this car has neither. Oh look at me, I like listen to Simon and Garfunkel and think about puppies. F*ck that. The only noises you're gunna be hearing is the ultra manly engine noises coming from this sweet turbocharged, intercooled, 24 valve inline 6. Sh*ts getting real, real f*cking fast.

This car has got a bright orange ebrake handle (b*tches love orange) with a drift button for those super ultra megahellatastic bar room brawler ebrake lockers. F*ck. Yes.

Now, I'll be honest. The wheels are a little lackluster, although everyones gunna be so focused on your super gangster drifting that nobody is going to give a f*ck about your sh*tty stock 16s. Don't worry, I've got you fcking covered. Its like we're in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Don't worry, friend, I've got your fcking back and I blow charlie to kingdom fcking come. For an extra $450 I can throw in some added p*ssy magnets for wheels, just don't come crawling back to me complaining that you're getting TOO much vajayjay. Bright fcking green 18s. Greens not your thing? Super legit silver 18s. Done like dinner.

This car has got 1.5 metric f*ck tons of awesome parts. Bride, Greddy, Brembo, the list doesn't f*cking END. It just keeps going and going, like the energizer bunny on speed.

You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this car. It will go so fcking fast that you may very well go back in time. It happened to me once. Just once, but it was fcking rad. Its like someone took a rocket and opened its mouth and poured steroids down its throat and and threatened to kill its family if it wasn't the fastest motherfcker you've ever driven.

I get it. You're busy, I'm busy, lets not waste time. If you're interested send me a message and I'll get back to you ASAP. You send me a message, I send you one right back. Thats how this works.

love it, want it!

 

[kyle ray]

+1

 

[charliepapa]

reminds me of this (LANGUAGE!):

sounds a lot like this guy to me... first thing that came to mind as I read it!