So I wrote a poem... (version 2.0 now released)

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  • LouisianaCarry

    Tactibilly
    Rating - 100%
    24   0   0
    Mar 14, 2007
    1,986
    36
    Keithville
    Why Do We Do It?

    Man is born with mind intact,
    Since dawn of time was this a fact.
    He grows and learns and toils away,
    And saves his pennies day by day.
    Options abound for him you see,
    Young and strong and fit and free.
    But an even keel he'll not maintain,
    The peace he strives for? ...all in vain.

    For also has been since first began,
    A restlessness inside each man.
    It keeps his eyes awake in bed,
    This longing in his heart and head.
    Unentangled though he be,
    He starts to long for slavery.
    He calls it by a different name,
    But it will find him, just the same.

    What is this itch, you hasten to ask?
    You know the answer, and always have.
    What shall bring him to his knees,
    Make him forsake his life of ease?
    You know this story, heard it before.
    He cannot shake his need for more.
    So what does he do, alas, alas...
    He trades it all for a piece of ass.

    Then no more head strong man is he,
    And ne'er a one has stopped to see;
    As he rushes headlong to his fate,
    Danger! You cry, too late, too late.
    Her lashes have entangled him,
    And left him with a stupid grin.
    She merely needs to flick her hair,
    and reduced is he to a blank stare.

    We men are fine out on our own,
    But then we start to wail and moan;
    We need excitement, we say to ourselves,
    Then put our plans on some back shelves.
    His time now filled in different ways,
    His only goal to sing her praise.
    His friends ignored, his plans off track,
    A hopeless case, no turning back.

    Tomorrow he may rue the day,
    T’was first enchanted by her sway;
    But til then she’ll do no wrong,
    He won't even listen to his mom.
    It's different for us, we're always sure,
    This one's for real, her heart is pure.
    We take no heed until forced to see,
    False ads are not just on TV.

    Though ye scream he'll never learn,
    Gone every penny that he earned.
    White dress on or oldest profession,
    She is now his only obsession.
    Mighty things he might have done,
    Fortunes to have lost and won,
    But gone now are his razor wits,
    Power and fame, no match for ****.

    But before you judge this fool, be fair;
    And I bet you'll admit we've all been there.
    Barrels' bottom or wisest of wise,
    It happens alike to all us guys.
    If you think this story is only mine,
    You're likely young, just give it time.
    You'll find no escape from this trap I fear,
    Though only hindsight can make that clear.

    A keeper or a snake in the grass,
    Sultry matron or fair-haired lass;
    Us men just seem to lose all sense,
    Rush to discard independence.
    What help can there be? I'm certain none.
    We'll always trade peace for the hope of fun.
    But... the part that really makes me sick,
    Is... understanding doesn't help one lick.


    ~ LouisianaCarry
    9-16-2010

    Thought you'd chuckle. :)
     
    Last edited:

    Snookie

    *Banned*
    Rating - 100%
    42   0   0
    May 24, 2009
    3,031
    38
    Lizzard Creek/ Springfield,La.
    Um Um Good

    While you were writing a poem!

    I was reciting this!!

    Weebles-Wobble-They-Dont-Fall-Down_500x500.jpg
     

    Cocked

    Feeling Cocky
    Rating - 100%
    18   0   0
    Nov 17, 2008
    372
    16
    Baton Rouge
    My unsolicited review: Nice lyrical poem written in iambic tetrameter with alternating pairs of end rhymes. I would like to have seen the use of a little assonance and or alliteration. I give it an A for for form and content.
     
    Last edited:

    LACamper

    oldbie
    Premium Member
    Rating - 100%
    4   0   0
    Jun 3, 2007
    8,634
    48
    Metairie, LA
    LACarry I'm very disappointed. You're the guy that did a 20 minute video intro to your AR! And a second video about your hat, IIRC...

    Now, go back and do it again. I expect a youtube video with musical accompaniment, appropriate models as examples, and a professional speaker reading the poem. Maybe James Earl Jones is available...

    :)
     

    Yrdawg

    *Banned*
    Rating - 0%
    0   0   0
    Sep 24, 2006
    8,386
    36
    Big Woods
    JUST WROTE A POEM - AR15.COM
    Sep 14, 2010 ... Man is born with mind intact,. Since dawn of time was this a fact. He grows and learns and toils away,. And saves his pennies day by day. ...
    www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=1091300

    Yer famous..see Google

    Just lookin for plagerism case,....should have known this was original

    Very sensitive...caring...feelin the need for some cleanex
     

    SHOT1

    Well-Known Member
    Rating - 100%
    3   0   0
    Feb 26, 2010
    98
    6
    Metairie
    Jeez y'all... I know this a gun forum n'all but if this poem really is original... this is some VERY impressive stuff!

    This poem doesn't just rhyme, but makes sense too!!! Very good thought, nicely laid out, and for something to get this long and still stay on topic and make sense.... This is really excellent work!

    Poetry is a gift, and this man really got it! I am thoroughly impressed. Good work LouisianaCarry!
     
    Last edited:

    SHOT1

    Well-Known Member
    Rating - 100%
    3   0   0
    Feb 26, 2010
    98
    6
    Metairie
    I bet you one thing... this took a whole lot of time to write! it didn't just roll off his tongue... it takes real patience & skill to put something like that together!
     
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