Never beat a woman

[jdindadell]

Totally the right thing to do, JD.

Well, it may not be the right thing to do, but is certainly what I would do. Looking online to find bear mace right now.

This sounds like a win win to me.

Especially with someone with soft hands like you!

that post is so full of awesomeness

It is full of something, I will take awsomeness!!!

Mace
Rape
Bear
Bubba
Jesus
PITA


How can a post with all of this in it NOT! be epic status!?

Yes, epic, make sure if you do this you dress like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, blue face paint is a must!

 

[SeventhSon]

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but are Nola_Jack and NolaReserveCopReserveUSMC the same person ?

Who are you?

I'm NOLA cop.

 

[jdindadell]

So I thought about the situation. I understand that carrying bear mace around may be a slight inconvenience. So I have come up with another fool-proof way to stop a situation similar to what the OP described.

You will still need 2 props to make this work: A children's fake cop badge (shinky gold plastic, faker looking is better, olde west style if you can find one) and a 1 foot long piece of decently thick rope with a knot tied on each end (1" diameter or greater). These are common items and can be placed on ones person without attracting any undue attention from "gang bangers" or the "fuzz".

As sson as you see the beating go down, insert one end of the rope into the waistbad of your pants, just slightly to one side of center, put the knot under your belt so that the rope stays put. Hold the rope near the other end knot with your non dominant hand. Then with the other hand, hold the fake badge in your palm with your fingers slightly curled around it, and hold your arm out straight at eye level. Run towards the agressor(s) with long, knee up strides, and tug furiously at the rope, while keeping it parallel with the ground.

When you get close enough for them to see the badge clearly, explain in a loud squeaky voice (preferably with a lisp) that you are a Junior Deputy of the Little Elephant Police Dept. Then ask for directions to the nearest fire hydrant.

I do not care what drugs or other substances a person is on, or how mad they are. Any living human that witnesses the above scenario will be dumbfounded. They will stand there, swaying slightly, attempting to make sense of what is going on. They will likely sober up, or fall down and laugh alot, but will not be able to continue the beating. Do not expect decent directions to the nearest hydrant.

While not as epic as my previous suggestion, this has alot more comic relief, and if it goes very badly and the aggression is turned on you, the knotted rope will be a handy force multiplier. You can also catch the light on the faux badge and momentarily blind the agressor while you deliver a swift kick to their adams apple, Chuck Norris style (CNRHK).

** Keep in mind the Little Elephant Police Dept is ficticious, so radioing for backup will not be an option.**
** Also, if there are minors present in the area, tug in a downwards motion on the rope, this will seem much less threatening to youths.**