Not So Happy Birthday

[olivs260]

At 46 and a half I don't even notice my birthday anymore

Chute, I'm 24 and I hardly notice anymore. Between work and chasing the little one around, I'm more than happy with an email from her. I consider a card a bonus.

I've only been married a few years, but I'll offer this advice- cherish the little things that you share every day, and it will more than make up for when something goes wrong. And remember, there is no such thing as a "marriage bank"! Don't treat her badly for her birthday just because she didn't do anything special for yours!

 

[swamper]

I guess he can have his cake and......... The cake has 24 on it but there is little b-day hats for kids on the table. I wonder what the Thanksgiving menu is?

There are hats on the table? What table?

 

[Quickdraw22]

There are hats on the table? What table?

For all the guys drooling over her, Google "Melissa Midwest".

You're welcome

 

[oleheat]

For all the guys drooling over her, Google "Melissa Midwest".

You're welcome

My, what a unique family name she has.

 

[Nomad.2nd]

BTW this isn't directly towards you Nomad, just chatting

...Considering I've never been married and there are no 'little Nomads' Ether me or the GOvernemnt know about...

I didn't think you were.

 

[herohog]

I spent a lifetime in hell with my 1st wife for a whole year and I have been with my second wife 30 years now. I give her full credit. I don't know how she puts up with me! I can tell you this though, there are a few "rules" that we firmly live by that go a LONG way in making a marriage last:

* Never demand, order or forbid, ASK. "Honey, would you please xyz for me?" NOT "Get me xyz." "NO, you can't do that!" instead "Baby, please don't do that."

* When you are mad, COOL OFF before talking (arguing) about whatever it is. Plan in advance, have an agreement that rather than saying something you will both regret, you agree to walk away and cool off THEN come back and calmly discuss it. That is a biggie guys! Words that have been spoken can NOT be undone and can leave permanent scars.

* Try not to go to bed mad. If you are still stewing, remember the previous rule. Let the other person know you are too upset to discuss it and need to sleep on it and that you will discuss it in the morning.

* Every year on our anniversary, we ask each other if there is something that they would like us to change of if something we do is bothering them. You can find out small things that you can change that make a world of difference to the person you are living with that you flat out didn't even think about as being an issue. Of course, if something IS an issue, don't save it up till the anniversary to talk about it! This is just a good way of letting your partner know that you DO care about them and want to do whatever it takes to make their lives a little better.

It has worked for us and it worked for my parents. I hope it might help some of you.

 

[Spent Brass]

Nomadic Dread,
I hope your birthday gets better. Sometimes people slip. Maybe she's having a bad day too. Brighten her day and you'll do good to brighten your own.

HeroHog and Hitman,
You two just laid it on the line. My GF of three years is pregnant now. We were all but ready to call it quits earlier this year. At some point I broke down and called an old friend of mine who is about 50 years older than me and has been married for more than that and asked him for advice. He told me almost exactly the same things. Thanks for the reminder. Now we're happily together with a baby on the way, just waiting for her to finish college before we get married. They always say there's no secret to a happy relationship. Guess we just need to spread the word and get everyone on the same page.

 

[my-rifle]

Good wives rock.

 

[Leonidas]

Something I read VERY early in my marriage. Never say anything negative to anyone, anytime about your wife. Even when she is not around, ie. to friends co-workers, etc. Poisons your mind to her. Always build her up. You will be positively affected. And it may just get back to her how highly you speak of her. That's a win.

 

[my-rifle]

Something I read VERY early in my marriage. Never say anything negative to anyone, anytime about your wife. Even when she is not around, ie. to friends co-workers, etc. Poisons your mind to her. Always build her up. You will be positively affected. And it may just get back to her how highly you speak of her. That's a win.

Good point. Your wife IS you. You are one person. If you are not, then you need to either fix the problem or end the marriage, and the sooner the better.

 

[nomadicdread]

I've been reading the responses all day and thinking about them, evaluating myself and how to apply some positive change from myself to our situation.

Then tonight, she wants to sit down and talk. To come to a conclusion and say that we need to separate and divorce.

 

[Quickdraw22]

Then tonight, she wants to sit down and talk. To come to a conclusion and say that we need to separate and divorce.

WTF. Did not see that **** coming......

 

[my-rifle]

I did.

My friend, I'm in Metairie. Do you want to sit down for a drink at Oscars or Le Bon Temps?

I know you have some heavy **** going on.

 

[shoalsfugro]

I've been reading the responses all day and thinking about them, evaluating myself and how to apply some positive change from myself to our situation.

Then tonight, she wants to sit down and talk. To come to a conclusion and say that we need to separate and divorce.

Sorry to hear. Now the big question you have to ask yourself. If you made a list of good and bad points of your marriage, would your life be better or worse without her. Be honest with yourself... and read your first post.

It is hard to focus when your stressed out, remember you have family and friends.

Best, to ya Nom.

 

[flatswitch]

...Whoever that dude is...

I hate him.

...Seriously.

--

What a shitty deal man, I hope for the best for you in this situation, some very good advice in this thread.

 

[Guate_shooter]

I've been reading the responses all day and thinking about them, evaluating myself and how to apply some positive change from myself to our situation.

Then tonight, she wants to sit down and talk. To come to a conclusion and say that we need to separate and divorce.

Sorry to hear that brother, I can honestly say I have been there, at least you have a good group of guys that some way or another got your back when you need it the most.

I had nobody when i went through mine not even neighbors or friends.

Keep in mind to try and be as civil as possible if you do decide to move forward with a separation, dont do as most males and start trying to find people to "sleep" with it only makes it worst believe me, give her and yourself the time to miss, it might make the difference that could bring you guys back together and into a stronger relation.

Sometimes you need to be apart to realize not only her mistakes but yours, time will allow you to think clearly and to come up with a plan and how to fix it for good, not just sugar coat it so it looks fixed.

If you have children involved please do not fight in front of them, my parents did when I was little and it was not a pleasant situation to be involved in, at the same time DO NOT talk bad about her with your children you might think about it but keep it to yourself, she is and will always be the mother of your children so have some respect for her.

Best wishes to you and your family, keep it strong.

 

[bayoupirate]

Sorry to hear the news Nomad.

There are some solid thoughts and good advice in this thread.

 

[Tx_oil]

Amen to all the above encouragement.
My ex pulled the mother of all shitty tricks and sold the house, gave away all the belongings and kidnapped my 2 year old, while I was in Louisiana to get my certs to work offshore. I was homeless, broke, and had no idea ANY of it was coming. She and her mother had planned the operation for some time apparently, and had a substantial disinformation program set up to keep me from learning where my son was being kept.

I say all this NOT for sympathy, but to let youknow that many of us have been F#$@ED over by soulless and evil females. Take the high road, my friend. Some great advice I was given is that..."People's lives are their own rewards." My personal hell happened in 1998, and now 12 years later I'm living a BLESSED life, with much more than I deserve. We have your back, amigo.

 

[Hitman]

...Considering I've never been married and there are no 'little Nomads' Ether me or the GOvernemnt know about...

I didn't think you were.

I was really meaning the OP

I've been reading the responses all day and thinking about them, evaluating myself and how to apply some positive change from myself to our situation.

Then tonight, she wants to sit down and talk. To come to a conclusion and say that we need to separate and divorce.

Heck I know several married men of 20-30 years who were told that more than once in their first 5 years of marriage.

If you love her, you make sure she knows it. No argument, even adultery or other BS is ever worth divorce. Yea it might be legal bounds for Divorce but that doesn't mean it's the green light. Let her know that it's just not that simple for you. Or it might be.

The thing is Nomad, I know what my wife means to me. She is my soul-mate and anchor on many different levels, the mother of my children and if she told me something like that, it would be the beginning of a WAR for her heart for me. If you love her you will fight to the death to keep her. 'Come Hell or High Water' as they say. To the depths of Hell and back or until 'Death do you part'. You don't just let your soul-mate, the greatest thing that ever happen to you 'Walk out'! You do whatever it takes to keep her.

However if you’re willing to roll over and let her walk, well, that should tell you something right there.

Let me know if you need anything, anything at all.

 

[kd5hlx]

Happy belated Birthday . remember " Men are from Mars, Women are from Uranus"