jimdana1942
oldtimer
What does all this mean?
Not So Happy Birthday
- Thread starter nomadicdread
- Start date
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flamatrix99
Well-Known Member
It means his wallet is about start hurting bad.
Sorry to hear that nomadicdread. You have a lot of friends here at BS. Lean on them for support as you are not alone. There are quite a few here who have been there and know the pain and hurt you feel. I pray you make it through this trying time and come out a better man for it in the end. Reach out when you are down because you have friends who will help you get through this bud.
Dude, I just connected this statement with the fact that its your birthday. Mom dropped me on my head when I was small, several times. Forget all the touchy, feely stuff I said. (Or file it for your next marriage)
That's just plain evil.
This may turn out to be a birthday blessing in disguise. When one door closes, another opens. Godspeed.
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Thanks guys.
I haven't been in love with her for quite some time but, I've given her my best despite the put downs. I can't say that I haven't put her down a few times, it's inevitable in the amounts of arguments we've had. It got to the point a couple weeks ago, that I called the police after she started hitting me. Not that I was really concerned of getting hurt, but I was past the point to caring enough to be bothered if she went to jail. Nothing came of it because I dropped it and she did the same after I did, (she called them right after I did even though I hadn't done anything to her) and because if I get involved in a domestic abuse charge, the state will take away my firearms. That's what one of the officers told me. One a side note, that same officer was at the gun show and we chatted for a moment. It was kind of ironic given he said to me, "I hope that next time we meet, it will be on the street and we'll just be saying hi."
Last night she plainly and clearly stated, "I'm not the woman you wanted to marry. I'm not the woman more. I have changed, I know who I am now." She went on to describe exactly what I wanted, which is what she personified her self to be in the beginning. I don't see how I can fight with nor do I want to. It's been obvious that she's not who she was trying to be. It just took a while for her to realize it and admit it, I guess.
The curve ball of this our son, who is not mine biologically. He's 3 and calls me daddy. I've been with him for just over a year and it's breaking my heart that his family is splitting up. I don't know how to continue to show him love, as much as it breaks my heart to see him and him to be completely unaware of what's going on and what's most likely going to happen. I don't know whether I should continue to care for him after it's all said and done, or what to do. His biological father is a royal dirt bag, and will soon be having a very bad day in court due to violations of the court order and child support fraud, but still have 50% custody. Our hearts are aching for him and what us separating/divorcing will mean for him.
She's enjoying who she has become, which isn't a bad person but, her personality and priorities are not meshing with me. I can't change her, nor do I want to.
I haven't been in love with her for quite some time but, I've given her my best despite the put downs. I can't say that I haven't put her down a few times, it's inevitable in the amounts of arguments we've had. It got to the point a couple weeks ago, that I called the police after she started hitting me. Not that I was really concerned of getting hurt, but I was past the point to caring enough to be bothered if she went to jail. Nothing came of it because I dropped it and she did the same after I did, (she called them right after I did even though I hadn't done anything to her) and because if I get involved in a domestic abuse charge, the state will take away my firearms. That's what one of the officers told me. One a side note, that same officer was at the gun show and we chatted for a moment. It was kind of ironic given he said to me, "I hope that next time we meet, it will be on the street and we'll just be saying hi."
Last night she plainly and clearly stated, "I'm not the woman you wanted to marry. I'm not the woman more. I have changed, I know who I am now." She went on to describe exactly what I wanted, which is what she personified her self to be in the beginning. I don't see how I can fight with nor do I want to. It's been obvious that she's not who she was trying to be. It just took a while for her to realize it and admit it, I guess.
The curve ball of this our son, who is not mine biologically. He's 3 and calls me daddy. I've been with him for just over a year and it's breaking my heart that his family is splitting up. I don't know how to continue to show him love, as much as it breaks my heart to see him and him to be completely unaware of what's going on and what's most likely going to happen. I don't know whether I should continue to care for him after it's all said and done, or what to do. His biological father is a royal dirt bag, and will soon be having a very bad day in court due to violations of the court order and child support fraud, but still have 50% custody. Our hearts are aching for him and what us separating/divorcing will mean for him.
She's enjoying who she has become, which isn't a bad person but, her personality and priorities are not meshing with me. I can't change her, nor do I want to.
If the boys is 3 he might have a tough time for a while, but more than likely he won't remember too much when he grows up. 4-5 yr olds are the ones who really start to put it together with their memory.
I suppose you have to decide if you want to keep a bond with the boy, or if she wants you to. According to Law, you have no rights to the child, even if you are the better father than his bio dad, which from the sounds of it you are.
All I can say is that I'll be praying for you brother, keep us posted if you need anything.
I suppose you have to decide if you want to keep a bond with the boy, or if she wants you to. According to Law, you have no rights to the child, even if you are the better father than his bio dad, which from the sounds of it you are.
All I can say is that I'll be praying for you brother, keep us posted if you need anything.
Guate_shooter
LA CHP Instructor # 522
Stay strong brother is all you can do, hopefully she allows you to continue to be part of the little ones life, it is not their fault and they never asked to come.
Try to be the daddy that he obviously doesnt have, he can grow up to see you as a role model eventhough he will know you are not his real dad he will look up at you for staying by his side for years and making him a better man for when he has his own family.
Try to be the daddy that he obviously doesnt have, he can grow up to see you as a role model eventhough he will know you are not his real dad he will look up at you for staying by his side for years and making him a better man for when he has his own family.
Bitch.
For a few very difficult reasons, I filed for divorce from Specularius in 2004. There were our own specific problems and my divorce lawyer wanted to
a) demand parenting classes of Spec
b) tape ALL phone calls with his children
c) place the stereotypical restraining order
d) limit visitation until AFTER those parenting classes
I should have listened to myself sitting in that office because we went back and forth. The problems were between the two of us. He was, and is and will always remain to be a GOOD father. His girls were emphatically not the problem. I still felt we were in a very bad place that weren't good for them and he wouldn't move forward until I agreed to at least the restraining order and parenting classes.
We lost our daughter two weeks later. The day of her funeral I had to call the SO and request that restraining order not be issued and we were not moving forward with the divorce. Since then we've been pretty inseparable. Grief counseling taught us so much. Six months prior to this Spec lost his mother. We always had our little peeves with one another before then but the grief and anger that came out of that was like nuking a napalm plant.
Women are devious evil vile creatures in a divorce. I'll be the first to admit that. If the father is decent, and he worked hard then chances are the kids are going to suffer very very badly through the divorce and all you can do as a father is to keep your mouth shut towards your ex-wife. The kids will eventually, or perhaps already know, she's a flake because chances are good she's going to tell them exactly how pathetic you really are.
I'm 34 years old. The month leading up to my filing for divorce, my parents split up after 31 years. (2004 was a really really harsh year for us) I can tell you by listening to the two of them bicker nearly caused me to miscarry with our son. After listening to and reacting to one particuarly harsh argument, I started bleeding that night. My blood pressure was through the roof. Those two things may have been coincidence. I don't think so.
If that can mess up a 30 year old woman, I have zero sympathy for anybody who does it to a child. I'd be the first to happily hold a parent's face under water until they're blue.
Their divorce has rendered a family that I felt was good and stable into a dysfunctional madness. I haven't spoken to my sister in a year and it is an indirect result of "are you your mother's daughter or father's daughter because you can't be both". And if you don't have kids, you know... it's worth looking over the last six months. I am fairly certain we can handle another unexpected event without it devastating our marriage. Job loss, job change parents, hell I think the death knell for my parents was my 15 year old sister getting pregnant. Stress can fracture a decent marriage and make it unbearable. The trick is to recognize what happened before it's too late. Specularius and I are blessed we caught it in time.
Sorry I'm babbling. I was all over the map there. But that's been our experiences.
I'm sorry. I had a relationship end lasting a little over 6 months. (But we got amazingly close in 6 months, all three of us.) She also had a son, he was 2, and we got pretty close.
It sux. (She sounded similar, not that I know what yoru dealing with)
It sux, shortly following the split I missed his 3rd birthday.
Hang in there. I'm sorry.
I may loose my house, maybe a couple guns, who knows what I judge will decide. But I've been thinking about one positive that beets all other. I will have my time back. The past year of my life seems to be wasted on her. Our plans were to prep together and live a frugal and as best self sustaining lifestyle that we could. It never came close to happening. We never got any seeds sown for a garden, we never stocked up on preparations, we never even got a range together. It wasn't until two weeks ago that I was able to get to a few different ranges since then, and it had been over a year since I practiced with my carry pistol. All because, well, I was giving all the time I could to the family and listening to her reasonings why we couldn't get started. That's my fail.
So much time and resources were diverted from my normal single man lifestyle, into a family that had been living in a homeless shelter three months prior to me moving here. (she didn't tell me that when we met, she had just moved out of a homeless shelter until a 3 or 4 months after we started living together.)
One thing is for sure. I'm not getting off track again after this is over. I'm thankful that nothing catastrophic happened in the past year or we would have been up the creek without a paddle. This ordeal is confirming what I had been thinking over for a couple years. People don't change by direction of other people. There has to be a overwhelming happening in their life, for them to make a lifestyle change. You can try as hard as you want, to be something your not, but you never will. You are who you are. Unless, you have major happening and regular reminder or conditioning to mold you into that person. This can be a good or bad experience and lead you to becoming a better or worse person.
I wish that I could say that I'm a better person from the past year of my life, but I'm not. I'm bitter and I need help. Or maybe I'm just very sad about my dreams of raising my family being shattered and over time, I'll realize that this will be better for me.
I'm still looking for God to tell me what's up. He made way for me to come to New Orleans and take Ruby as my wife and Jack as my son. I came here for an interview last year, and went back to Chicago. That same week I was laid off and two hours later, I got a call. They wanted me to start working in two weeks. Two weeks later, I moved to New Orleans. Less then four months later, I bought us a house and got us out of not so good place. I worked all the time and came home. I didn't go out and hang out. I've had such little spare time that I made sure my family got me first. We got into some financial insecurity due to a influx of work over the summer, but I got another job this fall, paying twice as much and still keeping my other job part time. All this so she could go to school full time, have some security in life, get a degree, and and and and and.
So here I am, life entangled with a woman and child. A woman who finally figured out that she's not into making her families home life, her top priority until she's done with school and getting her masters degree in another 4 years. I didn't sign up for that. She knows that. She admits to it. As I said earlier, I'm waiting for God to tell me what's up. Because from my point of view, He brought me down here. What for? I don't know. My marriage is non existent with a woman who hasn't been a wife to me.
So much time and resources were diverted from my normal single man lifestyle, into a family that had been living in a homeless shelter three months prior to me moving here. (she didn't tell me that when we met, she had just moved out of a homeless shelter until a 3 or 4 months after we started living together.)
One thing is for sure. I'm not getting off track again after this is over. I'm thankful that nothing catastrophic happened in the past year or we would have been up the creek without a paddle. This ordeal is confirming what I had been thinking over for a couple years. People don't change by direction of other people. There has to be a overwhelming happening in their life, for them to make a lifestyle change. You can try as hard as you want, to be something your not, but you never will. You are who you are. Unless, you have major happening and regular reminder or conditioning to mold you into that person. This can be a good or bad experience and lead you to becoming a better or worse person.
I wish that I could say that I'm a better person from the past year of my life, but I'm not. I'm bitter and I need help. Or maybe I'm just very sad about my dreams of raising my family being shattered and over time, I'll realize that this will be better for me.
I'm still looking for God to tell me what's up. He made way for me to come to New Orleans and take Ruby as my wife and Jack as my son. I came here for an interview last year, and went back to Chicago. That same week I was laid off and two hours later, I got a call. They wanted me to start working in two weeks. Two weeks later, I moved to New Orleans. Less then four months later, I bought us a house and got us out of not so good place. I worked all the time and came home. I didn't go out and hang out. I've had such little spare time that I made sure my family got me first. We got into some financial insecurity due to a influx of work over the summer, but I got another job this fall, paying twice as much and still keeping my other job part time. All this so she could go to school full time, have some security in life, get a degree, and and and and and.
So here I am, life entangled with a woman and child. A woman who finally figured out that she's not into making her families home life, her top priority until she's done with school and getting her masters degree in another 4 years. I didn't sign up for that. She knows that. She admits to it. As I said earlier, I'm waiting for God to tell me what's up. Because from my point of view, He brought me down here. What for? I don't know. My marriage is non existent with a woman who hasn't been a wife to me.
My friend in my experience (which you should probably ignore as I am atheist) God rarely tells you what to do. You do what you feel to be right. You remain true to your beliefs, and do the things you have to do, and most importantly the things you enjoy. Do not look for Mrs. #2 or even a woman to keep you company. These things usually end badly for one or both of you. Live the life you enjoy, and some time from now, maybe years from now you will realize that God spoke to you in His own way, and you did as He wanted you to do, and it turned out well.
Gotta live the life in front of you.
Robert Frost said:
Gotta live the life in front of you.
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Guate_shooter
LA CHP Instructor # 522
All I can tell you is better days will come, ride the wave.
After my divorce I was technically homeless, I say technically because eventhough I stayed at my uncle's house most of the time it never felt like a home and I always got the not wanted feeling from them.
Once it was all said and done, I made the smart decition to move to the camp and start over, all I had was a bag of clothes, my old truck and 2 guns (the rest she sold). I made a promise to myself of never to be put into that situation again and to make sure my son had anything that he needed. I have worked very hard in the past 2 years, the camp is almost payed for and it was a 10 year note when I originally bought it, I have gained my life back, own 2 vehicles and now starting a business.
Keep your head up even after she kicks you in the sack, at the end of the day surviving is up to you, I know its pretty lonely and believe me I say first hand that it is, I gave up all my friends because to her they were not good, all the commun friends that we had when married were hers so after the divorce they would never return a phone call. As of today I can count my friends with one hand and still have fingers left over but it doesnt bother me any more, it just gives me more fuel to succeed in life.
As you might know I am not originally from here, so to me being able to start over was a blessing on its own as the economy in my country is not the best. I am determined to make a change if not for anybody for myself, stay strong brother lots of good people here that will give you a hand when you need it the most.
I asked for God to show me the way and eventhough he never spoke to me, I know he has a plan which I am willing to accept with the compromise to make the best out of it.
Better days will come.
After my divorce I was technically homeless, I say technically because eventhough I stayed at my uncle's house most of the time it never felt like a home and I always got the not wanted feeling from them.
Once it was all said and done, I made the smart decition to move to the camp and start over, all I had was a bag of clothes, my old truck and 2 guns (the rest she sold). I made a promise to myself of never to be put into that situation again and to make sure my son had anything that he needed. I have worked very hard in the past 2 years, the camp is almost payed for and it was a 10 year note when I originally bought it, I have gained my life back, own 2 vehicles and now starting a business.
Keep your head up even after she kicks you in the sack, at the end of the day surviving is up to you, I know its pretty lonely and believe me I say first hand that it is, I gave up all my friends because to her they were not good, all the commun friends that we had when married were hers so after the divorce they would never return a phone call. As of today I can count my friends with one hand and still have fingers left over but it doesnt bother me any more, it just gives me more fuel to succeed in life.
As you might know I am not originally from here, so to me being able to start over was a blessing on its own as the economy in my country is not the best. I am determined to make a change if not for anybody for myself, stay strong brother lots of good people here that will give you a hand when you need it the most.
I asked for God to show me the way and eventhough he never spoke to me, I know he has a plan which I am willing to accept with the compromise to make the best out of it.
Better days will come.
Bud, when I left my 1st wife, I left with the clothes on my back, the small box of tools I had and the rest was what fit on the Greyhound bus that took me from Norfolk, VA to Shreveport, LA. I was a wreck. Thank God my 1/2 brother took me in and gave me a job until I could afford a dirt cheap apartment in Cedar Grove (a bad part of Shreveport). I dated a few girls and was convinced I would never marry again.
One evening out of the blue a friend called and told me to be ready at 7:30 cause he was picking me up and we were going on a double date. I said WTF and got showered and dressed and we went out. One year later, to the minute, I married that girl and have been with her for the last 30 years. If I had to live it all over again, all the pain, hurt, depression to get where I am now and to have experienced all the GOOD things in these past 30 years and the years leading up till then, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It is worth it. Yes the were huge trials but I got through it and, in the end, it was worth it.
Those hard times made me a better man and a better husband to my wife. I guess my point is, sometimes the lessons in life are long, slow and painful but in the long run, they are priceless and shape you. How you handle it it up to you. Better times are ahead but they don't come on our schedule. We do our best and do what we know is right and that is in itself your reward. Things you have done and discounted will come back around when you least expect it and need it most and you will be humbled. I know I am.
Hang in there. Yeah, it's a tired and trite thing to say but it's said with love and caring. When ya need to kick the trash can and scream in frustration, go ahead and let it out. As long as you don't do it in front of the family and terrorize them, it's a healthy release of pent up stress. Rant at the sky and let it out. When you are done, sit down and think out where you are at and what you can do to get where you need to be then take a step at a time in that direction.
You aren't alone. You have friends. Lean on them when you need to. That's what friends do. They will help stand you up and point you in the direction you need them to, just ask them to.
One evening out of the blue a friend called and told me to be ready at 7:30 cause he was picking me up and we were going on a double date. I said WTF and got showered and dressed and we went out. One year later, to the minute, I married that girl and have been with her for the last 30 years. If I had to live it all over again, all the pain, hurt, depression to get where I am now and to have experienced all the GOOD things in these past 30 years and the years leading up till then, I'd do it in a heartbeat. It is worth it. Yes the were huge trials but I got through it and, in the end, it was worth it.
Those hard times made me a better man and a better husband to my wife. I guess my point is, sometimes the lessons in life are long, slow and painful but in the long run, they are priceless and shape you. How you handle it it up to you. Better times are ahead but they don't come on our schedule. We do our best and do what we know is right and that is in itself your reward. Things you have done and discounted will come back around when you least expect it and need it most and you will be humbled. I know I am.
Hang in there. Yeah, it's a tired and trite thing to say but it's said with love and caring. When ya need to kick the trash can and scream in frustration, go ahead and let it out. As long as you don't do it in front of the family and terrorize them, it's a healthy release of pent up stress. Rant at the sky and let it out. When you are done, sit down and think out where you are at and what you can do to get where you need to be then take a step at a time in that direction.
You aren't alone. You have friends. Lean on them when you need to. That's what friends do. They will help stand you up and point you in the direction you need them to, just ask them to.
Thank you, everyone. It's been just over a week and I'm feeling a lot better about the situation. I had few days away from her due to working the Bingo! stage Voodoo. Thanks to all of you and other friends, I've come to realize that she's the one who is going to loose in this situation.
It's not often you find a single man with no kids or baggage who's willing to move 1,200 miles to be with a woman who has multiple children, was living in a homeless shelter, living on state assistance, working part time and going to school full time. Willing to get up everyday and go to work so that she can just go to school full time and get a degree and have more time with her son, and assume all the financial needs of the family and father the only child that she has custody of. And, buy a house for the family, so they both have a place to call home and don't have to keep moving around.
Who does that these days? That is a straight up old school way of doing things and they way it still should be but, I don't think the majority of my people my age can
really grasp the concept.
In the end, I'll be back to being single, own my home and live with less responsibility and she'll be back to struggling, and still have to college degree. The only bright light I see for her is that the state attorney has finally gotten their act together and found that the biological father receives a $3200 a month pension, lied to the child support office about it and hasn't paid a dime of money to her since 2008 neither has he paid the $250 a month that he consented to paying in December of 2009. He's going to have a rude awakening when they start docking his pension. At least the boy will have some money coming in for his expenses.
So I'm going to be OK. I have more companies calling me for more work and higher rates, guns to shoot and I have my dog to train. Heck, this time next year, I'll be planning a trip to Front Sight.
It's not often you find a single man with no kids or baggage who's willing to move 1,200 miles to be with a woman who has multiple children, was living in a homeless shelter, living on state assistance, working part time and going to school full time. Willing to get up everyday and go to work so that she can just go to school full time and get a degree and have more time with her son, and assume all the financial needs of the family and father the only child that she has custody of. And, buy a house for the family, so they both have a place to call home and don't have to keep moving around.
Who does that these days? That is a straight up old school way of doing things and they way it still should be but, I don't think the majority of my people my age can
really grasp the concept.
In the end, I'll be back to being single, own my home and live with less responsibility and she'll be back to struggling, and still have to college degree. The only bright light I see for her is that the state attorney has finally gotten their act together and found that the biological father receives a $3200 a month pension, lied to the child support office about it and hasn't paid a dime of money to her since 2008 neither has he paid the $250 a month that he consented to paying in December of 2009. He's going to have a rude awakening when they start docking his pension. At least the boy will have some money coming in for his expenses.
So I'm going to be OK. I have more companies calling me for more work and higher rates, guns to shoot and I have my dog to train. Heck, this time next year, I'll be planning a trip to Front Sight.
You got one or two around here last time I checked.
+1
