W1nds0rF0x
Snap, Crackle, Pop.
As I think about my need to lose some weight -- A trip to Sam's Club Yesterday I was at my local Sam's buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Douche Weasel the Wonder Sheep, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm usually bored and have few people to screw with, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again, but there were side affects.. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both.
