LOCO Academy Seeking Instructors
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Dear Swamper:
There is really little benefit to be gained by changing from a protractor (assuming it has a minimum radius of 12 inches) to a sextant. An octant would provide a marginal further improvement over the sextant, but again we would be splitting the proverbial hair.
We recommend the use of a Nikon electronic total station in conjunction with careful observation of Polaris (which will, of course, entail the use of a good ephemeris to calculate the azimuth of Polaris at elongation) or an RTK GPS system.
Please note that in our advanced classes we teach techniques that will enable the experienced operator to vary his blading angle by as much as two degrees with very little loss of command presence.
Excellent question.
However you clearly failed to anticipate my resonse to Swamper's query. This does not bode well for a career as a LOCO instructor.
BRLAShooter
Smart @$$ Extraordinaire
Mr. Dawg,
Sorry for the lack of clarification in my earlier request for instructorship. I do Open Carry, with my holster hanging off my belt for all to see. I would never even think of covering up my weapon, as it is my only form of protection. Sometimes, as I walk through extremely crowded areas (such as Malls), I even rest my hand on the grip of my weapon, just to be ready, and of course, so people will notice me. Will you please let me know how much the Application fee is so I will know how much to ask for from the next group or organzation that tries to violate my rights. Too bad about Bass Pro, I really thought they'd like to pay for my Application. Would anyone like to go to WalMart?
Thank you
Richard Cranium
"Dik Head"
Sorry for the lack of clarification in my earlier request for instructorship. I do Open Carry, with my holster hanging off my belt for all to see. I would never even think of covering up my weapon, as it is my only form of protection. Sometimes, as I walk through extremely crowded areas (such as Malls), I even rest my hand on the grip of my weapon, just to be ready, and of course, so people will notice me. Will you please let me know how much the Application fee is so I will know how much to ask for from the next group or organzation that tries to violate my rights. Too bad about Bass Pro, I really thought they'd like to pay for my Application. Would anyone like to go to WalMart?
Thank you
Richard Cranium
"Dik Head"
Dear Douche Bag:
It pains me to continually respond to grasshoppers who lack the pre-cognitive skills that are essential to serving as a LOCO instructor. However, on light of your service to "the movement" and your demonstrated valor in battle against the Bentonville beast, I shall repeat myself.
In our advanced classes we offer training that will enable the skilled, experienced operator to alter the blading angle by a maximum of two degrees. Even those desirous of Governor Jindal's newly authorized Semi-Diploma will readily see that 38 degrees falls well outside of recommended limits.
In fairness I must state that I have seen an effective blading event that approximated the angle about which you inquired. However, this was achieved by a Grand Master open-carry guru (a high degree of personal modesty precludes my mentioning the operator's name) -- and you, sir, have not attained this level of proficiency.
However, I do not wish to dash you hopes completely. The LOCO Academy will, in the near future, be offering post-graduate courses that will enable distinguished graduates to expand the blading envelope by as much as 10 degrees in either direction. (Stringent prerequisites for post-graduate studies will apply).
Dear Dik Head:
Your commitment to the cause is appreciated. But we at LOCO Academy do have to weed out the posers and wannabees -- and you, sir, have "conveniently" failed to mention the caliber and size of your weapon. Nor have you provided any information pertaining to the method of carry (cross draw, SOB, shoulder, et al).
Please understand that I am not leaping to any conclusions about your apparent trolliness at this time. So let's just say "More data is needed."
Barney88PDC
SEND IT
To the LOCO Academy training department
I would like to submit my request to apply for a leadership position at your academy. I have all the general knowledge skill sets required to train LOCO’s to kick a baby’s face in without any resentment or remorse. I have grown a Mullet to 12 inches in length and taper the outsides to give the more appealing “Rat Tail” look. I only bathe on Sundays so that my natural oils lather my hair to provide a more ominous look in public. You will never see me without some form of natural woodlands camo incorporated into my daily attire. Black High Top combat boot are the only style of footwear that I own. I am pleased to see that you allow facial hair, most places I have been to do not allow my manly fuzz that I have been working on for quite some time. My refusal to shave said facial hair was the cause of my expulsion for my high school but “to hell with the haters” I have moved on and now and I am way better off not having to deal with school. I have worked my way up to be the manager at Tobacco Plus where I was hired on soon after my expulsion as a stock boy. Due to my current position I have networked myself and made several local contacts that would make great LOCO’s (do you have a referral bonus program)? I would really like to get a position at LOCO so I can move out of my mom’s basement. I know this isn’t a job it is a lifestyle and your company fits perfectly for me. I have dreamed of finding a company like yours. I can remember all those nights rolling in my ’89 Camaro jamming Michael Bolton and wishing someone would see it my way, and now you have.
My credentials for personal Open Carry experiences are as follow. I currently do not own any real guns because I cannot afford a real gun on my budget but no one has ever “made” my gun to be Airsoft. I sprayed the orange tip with some black spray paint and no one can tell that it is not legit. I carry a Colt AR Pistol Airsoft look-a-like. It hangs lower than my…..well you know on my side for maximum visibility. As you may not be aware of AR Pistol holsters are hard to come by so my holster is hand made from various items I had laying around the basement. It fastens to my gun belt with the cord from an old PlayStation controller and the holster itself is largely hand crafted using some Mississippi Chrome (Duct Tape). Every time I strap that bad boy on I make people s&%# their pants. I get the best responses at the local play ground next to the elementary school. And also at my cousin’s soccer practices. You may know me I am kind of famous. I was on the news a while back involving a local run in with the law. I was in the back ground of the news report where they were at a local Wal-Mart giving a local brother a hard time about open carrying. If you go YouTube the video you can see me throwing up our secret hand signs and continuously pulling up my pants and grabbing my crotch. I’m he one in the camo shorts, that’s me. I can’t wait to hear from you. MEM is my IDOL I have all of his news clippings taped to my wall.
I would like to submit my request to apply for a leadership position at your academy. I have all the general knowledge skill sets required to train LOCO’s to kick a baby’s face in without any resentment or remorse. I have grown a Mullet to 12 inches in length and taper the outsides to give the more appealing “Rat Tail” look. I only bathe on Sundays so that my natural oils lather my hair to provide a more ominous look in public. You will never see me without some form of natural woodlands camo incorporated into my daily attire. Black High Top combat boot are the only style of footwear that I own. I am pleased to see that you allow facial hair, most places I have been to do not allow my manly fuzz that I have been working on for quite some time. My refusal to shave said facial hair was the cause of my expulsion for my high school but “to hell with the haters” I have moved on and now and I am way better off not having to deal with school. I have worked my way up to be the manager at Tobacco Plus where I was hired on soon after my expulsion as a stock boy. Due to my current position I have networked myself and made several local contacts that would make great LOCO’s (do you have a referral bonus program)? I would really like to get a position at LOCO so I can move out of my mom’s basement. I know this isn’t a job it is a lifestyle and your company fits perfectly for me. I have dreamed of finding a company like yours. I can remember all those nights rolling in my ’89 Camaro jamming Michael Bolton and wishing someone would see it my way, and now you have.
My credentials for personal Open Carry experiences are as follow. I currently do not own any real guns because I cannot afford a real gun on my budget but no one has ever “made” my gun to be Airsoft. I sprayed the orange tip with some black spray paint and no one can tell that it is not legit. I carry a Colt AR Pistol Airsoft look-a-like. It hangs lower than my…..well you know on my side for maximum visibility. As you may not be aware of AR Pistol holsters are hard to come by so my holster is hand made from various items I had laying around the basement. It fastens to my gun belt with the cord from an old PlayStation controller and the holster itself is largely hand crafted using some Mississippi Chrome (Duct Tape). Every time I strap that bad boy on I make people s&%# their pants. I get the best responses at the local play ground next to the elementary school. And also at my cousin’s soccer practices. You may know me I am kind of famous. I was on the news a while back involving a local run in with the law. I was in the back ground of the news report where they were at a local Wal-Mart giving a local brother a hard time about open carrying. If you go YouTube the video you can see me throwing up our secret hand signs and continuously pulling up my pants and grabbing my crotch. I’m he one in the camo shorts, that’s me. I can’t wait to hear from you. MEM is my IDOL I have all of his news clippings taped to my wall.
BRLAShooter
Smart @$$ Extraordinaire
I feel that some level of 'trolliness' is definitely needed to efficiently Open Carry, as being a troll is usually a result of at least a small amount of paranoia, and you should always be paranoid that a group will violate YOUR rights when you open carry, and to hell with their rights. Anyway, my weapon of choice is a nice one, a Springfield XD .45ACP, 5" Tactical (or Tacti-cool, as I like to call it). I prefer the larger one as it's more obvious. As for my method of carry, I carry at the standard 3 o'clock, non-cross draw, though I feel that I may change to cross draw when I buy a drop down thigh holster, because that looks cool, or Tacti-cool, as said before.
Richard Cranium
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Tobacco Plus is one of the few establishments where you can work while engaging in customer service and smoking simultaneously.
Dear Mr. Barney:
As is the case with many candidates, you have left a small, but significant, number of voids in the information summary that you posted.
1. Exactly how many times have you kicked in a baby's face -- and what was the ethnicity of those infants ??
2. A 12" mullet is an excellent start -- but what goals do you have for the finished product ?
3. Are you intimating that you would refuse to utilize additional compounds to enhance the "natural oils" to which you refer ?
4. Exactly how far did you progress in high school prior to your expulsion ? (There is a significant possibility that you are over-educated for an instructor position).
5. You mention referral bonuses and living in you mom's basement in the same paragraph. Do you contemplate submitting her name as a potential LOCO instructor ? (I have to ask because, in case that is your intent, you need to know that she has already applied).
6. Your choice of weapons platforms and carry systems shows potential, as does your decision to carry at elementary school playgrounds and soccer fields. However, you fail to divulge who is actually sh%tting their pants - the children, or the teachers and coaches.
7. The biggest negative in your missive is the fact that you admit to cowering in the background during an open-carry confrontation. We expect our staff to serve as examples to our student -- to be in the forefront of any emotionally charged situation, especially one that is being televised.
8. Go ahead and submit your application. It will receive an objective review, as will the thousands we have already received.
Gentlemen and prospective instructors:
I shall be incommunicado for the next day or so. In my absence, if you have questions of an urgent or pressing nature, they will be answered by LOCO Academy's Director of Training (LSP972) or LOCO's Director of Human Resources (Pangris).
I will be in constant communications with our staff, via our secure satellite phone system, during my travels. Applications will be accepted, and the initial review & assessment process will commence, just as if I were physically present in the command bunker.
That is all.
I shall be incommunicado for the next day or so. In my absence, if you have questions of an urgent or pressing nature, they will be answered by LOCO Academy's Director of Training (LSP972) or LOCO's Director of Human Resources (Pangris).
I will be in constant communications with our staff, via our secure satellite phone system, during my travels. Applications will be accepted, and the initial review & assessment process will commence, just as if I were physically present in the command bunker.
That is all.
OF course I keep the chamber full! I might have to go tactical at any time! I have a 30 round mag in my 1911 and 6 more in my 'tactical' black vest. I also have 4 100 round AK drums in there. And my machette which I keep sharp enough to shave with every morning. I use the Blackhawk float vest as we live in Louisiana and you never know when you might have to track down a terrorist in a canal. My uber cool vest also has my full load of camping gear strapped to it, just in case.
Have you released a DVD of your courses yet? I'm really looking forward to working my way up to the advanced material.
Dear Nazi Elitists,
I am disappointed by your response. I suffer from a disability aquired while DEFENDING a RIGHT that you claim to cherish. Yet, you dismiss my good acts and potential use to your operation without due consideration. You are obviously more focused on the opinion of sheep and notoriety with the misinformed than with actual defense of our natural right to wear a .454 in a shoulder holster openly over a leather duster.
I'd be willing to bet you even disapprove of the carry of a BUC (Back Up Claymore, you ignorant hoplophobes!) open carried in a back scabbard. All in fear that the sheep will think you're doing it wrong.
Suck it you traitorous swine!
DOUglas CHEster BAGeroun
Dear Douche Bag:
It was not my intent to minimize the sacrifices that you have made for the movement. In point of fact, if you will review my previous response, you will see that your meritorious service was specifically noted.
I resent your inference that we suffer from hoplophobia, although I will readily acknowledge our homophobic culture (and at the risk of being overly critical, would suggest that the leather duster might be viewed by some as being a tad gay).
We have in no way closed any doors that would lead to the career path that so diligently seek. My delineation of the approved blading spectrum was presented for your edification, not to discourage you in your quest.
Please note that we concur with, and strongly support, your right to openly carry a BUC. It is a little known fact that LOCO Academy was a pioneer in the development of kydex holsters for claymores and for RPG launchers.
One final comment -- regarding your use of the term "traitorous swine." Please note that my wife, children and grandchildren are the only people presently authorized to refer to me in that manner.
We look forward to receiving your application (and, of course, your application fee). Do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further questions, comments or concerns.
Dawg,
I apologize for the delay in submitting my request for review as I have been out of the country in Acapulco interviewing for a position with the Federalis. (Needless to say, I was severely overqualified for such a position.)
I would like to apply for the following position: Senior Resident Long-Carry Instructor. Here are a few of my personal achievements:
1.) I am responsible for single-handedly raising awareness of the necessity of Long-Carry by carrying a full sized replica M4A1 air-soft rifle in public holstered securely to my back with the Comp-Tac TiC-00L Model 3-point Long Rifle Harness.
2.) I have lobbied for our Long-Carry rights in multiple State Legislatures across the Eastern states.
3.) I have been arrested on false charges of openly owning and displaying a federally banned weapon. They were fooled by the appearance of my air-soft rifle under the impression that it was, in fact, an M4A1. I was released on misdemeanor charges after being wrongfully detained for 4 days, yet refused to leave the prison cell without a public apology and resignation of the Police Chief of Angie, LA (my hometown).
4.) I served as chief escort for Brittney Spears at a young age armed with nothing but my air-soft rifle, and a 6 year old can of pepper-spray. I felt it unnecessary to arm myself further, given my reputation and appearance.
5.) I have obtained a 4th Degree Black-Belt in Tai-Chi and only answer to Sensei on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours in TRUE Freedom (Not the fake kind those CC'ers have).
Emanuel "Macho" Machucando. (E. M.)
Dear Macho:
The Staff Assessment Committee (SAC) has reviewed your credentials. We find them, overall, to be impressive. However, our Director of Training has raised a couple of valid questions:
In your Point # 1 you say you carried a holstered long gun on your back. The questions being raised are:
1. Why did you choose to partially conceal a weapon in a holster ?
2. Why try to hide it on your back ?
I personally believe that you may well be a staunch supporter of "the cause." But the appearance of selling out to the right-wing CCW crowd is incontrovertible.
We await your explanation -- and your application fee.
Dawg,
Because of the reputation of your highly esteemed and recognized organization, I will not take any offense to your concern over such matters. Allow me to further explain:
1.) While clearly the best way of carrying a rifle is with a sling for normal applications, slings provide an inadequate degree of security for my weapon on my day-to-day operations. Secondly, while fire-arm safety is my number one goal (which the holster helps to provide), I must still be viewed as a bad-ass so people don't mess with me (remember, I only carry an air-soft gun for protection). The holster helps to achieve this.
2.) The reason for the placement of my rifle is easily explained. First, while riding on my motorcycle, carrying my weapon on my back assures that other drivers have the greatest chance of seeing it. Second, at only 4' - 8'' in stature, Tactical Long-Carry on Leg (T.L.C.L.) is not an option with current technology, as my legs are 12'' shorter than the rifle. I have toyed around with a custom-made (by myself, of course) side holster for my M4A1, but the rifle slipped off my side crashing to the ground and chipped off a piece of the fore-grip which I later repaired with electrical tape and shoe polish.
As you can see I am very seasoned in the art of Long-Carry and hope to bring my level of knowledge and experience to the table as Senior Resident Long-Carry Instructor.
Yours in Liberty (Not the Statue)
Macho.
P.S. Please allow me some time to send in my application fee. My mom was recently laid off and she owes me 3 weeks allowance.
