Wife against carrying...help!

[aroundlsu]

Sometimes concealed means concealed to even your closest friends and family.

 

[Ben Segrest]

Tell your wife that it is your responsibility to protect her and eventually your children. Not the neighbors responsibility, not the police's responsibility and not the government's responsibility. Having a gun won't automatically make them safe, but not having one CAN automatically put them in needless danger.

 

[Nolacopusmc]

Guys, thank you all for the kind words.

I will add this. As with all people, and especially women, you do not want to be TOO aggressive or try to force feed it to them. You want them to warm up to the idea.

Despite the fact that i am an instructor, cop, realist, etc...my own wife does not carry everyday. It does not fit her "lifestyle". I can say however, in the 4 years i have known her, she is infinitely more aware of her surroundings and the dangers it presents.

She trys to be a good sport, but she is about as into shooting as I am into spending a Saturday trying on shoes.

Point is, give her time. All she has to do is watch the news, and while it may not make her want to carry, she will eventually understand why you do.

 

[Leopardcurdog]

It's not an issue to argue or debate over. Just carry your gun and leave it at that. There will be a whole lot more things to argue about in the years to come as the marriage moves along.

 

[Snookie]

Confucius Says

Read Thread in Premium Members Confucius Made ME DO IT!
Answer is very PLAIN!!

 

[XD-GEM]

<SNIP> She does not have any problems with guns in general. She has even been to the range with me (a great shot) and most all the men in her family are into guns (some much more than me). She knows that I carry when I am not with her and has never said anything about it.

<SNIP> When I try to talk to her about it she generally blows it off. When I have gotten her to talk about it she asks me dumb questions like "so if some does _____ you are just going to shoot them?" I always just put off the argument with the hopes that she would eventually become comfortable with the idea and I would be able to talk sensibly to her about it.

<SNIP>-Reese

Reese,

While I firmly believe you have been given some excellent advice by everyone as to how you can convince your wife, I want to add a slightly different tack to this, based on the quotes I've retained from your OP.

Wives often have a way of seeing something in their husbands that we husbands might have a blind eye toward. Although you say she doesn't have a reason to think that you will act irresponsibly, it is obvious that she does indeed think that such is possible - especially given that she is familiar with guns herself. Perhaps that is why she is reluctant to discuss this with you - she loves you and is afraid of how you might react to a negative criticism from her. Her idea may be wrong, but the tiniest thought of it seems to nag at her in the background.

Open lines of communication are exceptionally important in a marriage, especially in the early years as you discover who you are as a couple. I know this makes me sound like some kind of touchy-feely, Dr. Phil kind of guy, but sometimes those folks are right.

You might want to find some time to talk this over with her, perhaps with a trusted friend, pastor, or counsellor as a guide for the conversation. Ultimately, your intentions seem as good as everyone else's here - to protect the ones you love; but you also need to protect them emotionally and should handle it sooner rather than later when it could suddenly burst from a simmer to an explosion.

 

[shoalsfugro]

maybe if she watches and listen to these videos.


[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5wQfpGPhWA[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-1O5IpERY0[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kKko2hrP7Y[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxLlwsC5hWs[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjBkGxeuNF8[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjBkGxeuNF8[/ame]
[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnkDtgpFP44[/ame]

 

[VeedUp]

Put your foot down

 

[Cat]

Sometimes you just have to tell them to " get over it " . Seriously . What is she going to do , divorce you ? Get mad ? Big deal , life goes on . I'm not trying to be a hardass , but logic and reason is usually lost on a woman , as they tend to run on emotion .

I’m going to lose my feminist card here, but that’s the truth. I can run as long and far as I want but once in a while he’s been known to jerk the slack out of that rope. The fight is usually on when I'm emphatically told to get over it, but we do re-establish marital harmony eventually.

Being on this board and from a small experience this month has taught me to take reasons men CC more serious than I had in the past. As women, we generally do not think the same as men in regards to family safety until we are indoctrinated by fear. My murder means my children bury their mother and suffer emotionally for the rest of their lives. That realization is what made everything click.

To be perfectly honest, I believe you have two choices and one event.

1) Tell her to get over it and continue to carry.
2) Stop carrying.
3) Her attitude will not change until she's older, and/or until she's been scared.

I wouldn't recommend #2, and you're just going to have to wait for #3.

 

[Cat]

For what it's worth, do offer a compromise. I request that he not carry to certain events. We were attending a formal City Mardi Gras ball at the Museum of Art. Armed security in the form of RPSO and APD were in the parking lot, and we had several officials from the PD, SO, police jury, city council, the mayor, the fire marshal, top lawyers, a few judges and a consul scattered around.

I really did not want my husband CC'ing there. Although he probably could have but it would have presented a possible scene when I'm interested in participating much more on a city association level with our Carnival season.

If she asks that you not carry to a very specific place with a good reason, I'd listen. But then again I'm also the one in a hospital ER at 2AM nagging him 'f--- the signs, you never know what nut walk in after dark in the emergency room."

 

[Reese917]

Wow, so much good info, tips, and analogies. Guess I really need to take care of this. The only tactic I don't really agree with is just carrying and not telling her, that could be a disadvantage in many situations for her not to know I was carrying.

Thanks for all the replies, this is exactly what I was hoping for. I will update on how it plays out.

-Reese

 

[Cat]

Well... If you have a sex life with your lovely new bride, you can't CC without her discovering it in very short order. I hug my husband hourly when we're together. I also can pick out based on his clothes obviously.

This would be very very bad. Trust becomes an issue.

 

[Paintball]

My wife was asking me why I wanted a CHP. I told her it was my duty as a husband and father to protect our family. Call it a form of life insurance for you and her. Good luck.

CHP arived 02-26-10.

 

[Nolacopusmc]

Well... If you have a sex life with your lovely new bride, you can't CC without her discovering it in very short order. I hug my husband hourly when we're together. I also can pick out based on his clothes obviously.

This would be very very bad. Trust becomes an issue.

I agree.

Furthermore, if you do have to use it, she will also be questioned, and to say the least, you want her to be "supportive" of what you do, not acting scared and surprised you had a gun.

it will come with time.

 

[JOmega]

My wife initially had serious reservations too. One of the things that puts her at ease about it is my consistent obsession with safely handling my guns. She knows my guns are secure both when I carry them and when they are in the house. This issue will get magnified many times over when/if you have kids. So show her that you will always be safe with your gun, then she will be at peace with your carrying it for protection of your family.
Advice from some of the others regarding getting her involved has been helpful to us too. Ask her to partner with you to make sure that it is adequately concealed when you carry, thoroughly secured when it is not on your person, and that she knows how to use and access it too. You're a team now. Congrats and best wishes on your marriage.

 

[oleheat]

Tell her that her personal safety is now your number one priority in life, and convince her that the absolute best way to help insure this in today's world is concealed carry.





In the event that doesn't work, tell her you understand her concerns, and start carrying a pitchfork, Gurkha Knife, and/or Samurai Sword with you wherever you go.

Now I don't claim to be a marriage counselor, but there is a good chance that you will begin to see immediate results in her behavior.

No need to thank me.

 

[Hitman]

Ask her to partner with you to make sure that it is adequately concealed when you carry, thoroughly secured when it is not on your person, and that she knows how to use and access it too.

Should be prepared to spend some cash for this one.

My wife was comfortable with this one;

Easy access too.

Having your home-defense gun behind lock & key is not an option. This is a great safe.

However even better is a Gun Rack w/ Shotgun. I know wives are not into GUN RACKS, they don't see our sense of fashion , but gun racks can be hung high enough away from jr.'s hands, and offer mom an even easier access to the defense weapon of choice for the home. Not to mention the accuracy of a shotgun/BuckShot within 21 ft

 

[JOmega]

I have a couple safes similar to what Hitman recommends. Good stuff. They're in different parts of the house so that we're never too far from a handgun--which will hopefully buy time to get to the long guns if it comes to that (and man I hope it doesn't!) And we go over the Eddie Eagle rules with the kids frequently just in case they have a question about what they see me carry. It will ALWAYS be a challenge to find the perfect balance between safety and accessibility. So it is great that you are taking the time to think this through.

 

[ram03reg]

Sounds like a serious issue that you need to get worked out asap. But until then I would carry anyway. Yes she may get upset with you but eventually she should get over it.

I do have a little experience with this problem but its with my gf not wife but same sh!t different smell.

When i first got my chp she had a problem with me carrying, but i never gave her the option of telling me when I can carry and when I cannot. After about a year of carrying she is finally getting better..plus i dont tell her when i carry, why should I?..If you tell her every time you carry its like asking permission.

My gf only says something when she sees me putting it on before we leave the house. And its usually a comment like "do you really need that where we are going" and just a simple response is "hopefully not".

Also it sounds like your wife is not totally comfortable with the idea of a gun. Take her to the range, bring a friend and his gf/wife who are comfortable with the idea a guns, and know who to safely handle guns.

Hopefully she will eventually come around to the idea, if not carry anyway. You will never forgive yourself if some happens to her that you could have stopped.

Good luck

 

[Cat]

Should be prepared to spend some cash for this one.

My wife was comfortable with this one;

Easy access too.

Having your home-defense gun behind lock & key is not an option. This is a great safe.

However even better is a Gun Rack w/ Shotgun. I know wives are not into GUN RACKS, they don't see our sense of fashion , but gun racks can be hung high enough away from jr.'s hands, and offer mom an even easier access to the defense weapon of choice for the home. Not to mention the accuracy of a shotgun/BuckShot within 21 ft

Gun racks are not pretty, but when there is a dedicated back door shotgun, it is a necessary piece of furniture IMO.