Need some ideas for grandson.

[jms]

My youngest grandson will be 16 in Sept. He has very little interest in school and has dropped out . I can't get him to focus on anything for a length of time doing things around the house.His mother passed a couple yrs. ago with cancer . My son lives on my proptery in a trailer so the G.S. lives with us althought my son has complete care. My problem is I hate to see his life wasted with no education ,which will lead to no job or hope of finding one w/o at least a GED.
What I really need to know if someone here knows of a arrangement that can teach rational thinking and behavior before it's too late. We live in a very rural area ,but I'm afraid it's just a matter of time before he is influnced by a stronger personally .

I know there are a lot of careing perfessionals here at this site .I really, really need some good input . Thanks for reading all this .

Updated Aug.19,2011

 

[jbadjones]

I'm sure you've already tried, but just a good old fashioned sit down. No raised voices, no threats, etc. Sometimes that's all it takes.

Or do like my old man did me. Put him in the back yard with a shovel and say start digging. When he can't take it any longer tell him he's going to be digging ditches for the city or for the prisons with no schooling.

Contact your local VOA (volunteers of America) and see what they can do as well. Looks like your closest may be in Hammond. (225) 294-4070

 

[jbadjones]

And I notice you say youngest grandson. Get his brothers and/or sisters to talk to him. The more people you can get to hammer information and/or life experiences in his head, the better.

In the end, there's always bribery

 

[SpeedRacer]

http:\\www.goarmy.com

Really though, at the minimum he needs to get his GED. That's a tough age, especially if he's coping with a tragedy. I doubt much will get through to him, I remember my skull being at least 12x thicker when I was 16. Being told NOT to do something was a guarantee I was going to do it, and I didn't understand or care about anything beyond what was happening that day.

I guess my point is push where you can, but realize you're already fighting a losing battle. Let him deal with things in his own way even if you disagree, but at least keep him pointed in the right direction. Rewarding the positive works better than punishing the negative. And I know I was more willing to listen when my defiant "why" questions were answered in ways that were related to my perspective, as opposed to the old "because I said so" answers. Simply put, make him want to do ____________ instead of forcing him to.

Disclaimer: I'm no psychologist, but I was a 16 year troubled kid for a whole year.

 

[LACamper]

What are his hobbies and interest? Can you build on something there? Sometimes an interest can become a career.

He obviously didn't do well in school. You say he has trouble focusing on a single task. He might just have ADD. I'm not advocating drugs, don't get me wrong (though they can help stay on task). Sometimes knowing that the problem is there and has been diagnosed makes it easier to work around. People that have ADD need a more tangible reward for staying on task. The rewards need to be more frequently attained also.

 

[jms]

I just moved my RV to the Navy seabee base in Gulfport . Next week I will be checking with the Navy and Air Force ( Kessler) to find out if they have any progams available for him.

Yes I have sat down and tried to reason with him about his future . I am really concerned .He is not a bad kid ,but a lot of not bad kids"have ended up in jail I am really concerned about his future. I bought a GED test book ,but when my wife gave him a beginning test he failed terrible in all areas .He's not mentally challenged just has a don't care attitude.

 

[Neil09]

I know many people I went to school with who quit or didn't care. They did nothing useful, until they got a good job, which keeps them busy. School is not for everyone, I don't regret not going to college like some do. If you can help him find a decent job with mature adults, he will get a sense of working for something. Better to start younger than later. See what he wants to do as a career. Not a dead end job. Many people get a useless dead end job making 200 a week and don't realize the opportunities there are out there. See if he's interested in military. If not, I would try to get him a good job to keep him busy. My .02 cents...

 

[SpeedRacer]

The GED is a minimum. Period. These days even a college degree doesn't guarantee a good job, but not having a HS diploma or GED on the other hand will severely limit you.

Like Neil said, school isn't for everyone. I know it wasn't for me. I got the boot junior year and got my GED. I entered the work force and actually came out ahead of the game compared to friends that stayed in school and went to college, even to this day. I did things on my terms, my dad and I made compromises and everything worked out. Some people just swim better against the current.

 

[Hay-Wire]

I was on much the same path as your grandson a couple decades ago. I dropped out of school, and didn't know what to do with my life. For some reason, I decided to join the Army at 22 years old. That forced me to get the GED. That led me into a good career once I got out, and gave me some good direction and discipline.
I know he's only 16, but that gives you a couple years to convince him to do something that will affect him in a positive way for the rest of his life. I'd be happy to talk with you / him about the path that I took. PM me if you think it'd help.

 

[pyreaux]

Just a thought, but as a child that was probably over privileged, when those privileges are taken away you either accept the loss or decide to replace those benefits yourself. The additional folks riding his ass will likely push him further away from his family, or simply drive him to ignore and devalue their advice from that point forward as he'll suspect the parental push behind it. If he is responsible enough to quit school, he should be responsible enough to provide room at board for himself, or at least afford food for himself. Let him know his ride isn't free anymore and tell him to eat he's got to provide a benefit to the household. Might be extreme, but if he goes bad (crime) or military he'll have to be responsible for himself at some point. Just a thought from someone who didn't value the things that were given to me as a child as much as I should have.

 

[brfd557]

You know.... there is some VERY good answers here (not that I would expect any different) just loads of knowledge from these guys. I have a 17 yo and I know high school is not for him, but I trying my best to get him a diploma. Very good thread!

 

[slinkyonrampage]

I know many people I went to school with who quit or didn't care. They did nothing useful, until they got a good job, which keeps them busy. School is not for everyone, I don't regret not going to college like some do. If you can help him find a decent job with mature adults, he will get a sense of working for something. Better to start younger than later. See what he wants to do as a career. Not a dead end job. Many people get a useless dead end job making 200 a week and don't realize the opportunities there are out there. See if he's interested in military. If not, I would try to get him a good job to keep him busy. My .02 cents...

I would suggest a job as well, or atleast start talking to him about that. If he isn't in school, he's going to have to find something to do, and he might as well start making money. Look around for some construction jobs or some type of skill/labor job that he can pick up and make a future out of.

 

[Cat]

How was his behavior before his mother turned sick and passed away? If he's done a complete 180 then he's clinically depressed and could benefit from some professional grief counseling. I don't mean to be rude, but why is he living with you and not Dad? Were they still married? If they were, and he's living with you, then he may feel that he sort of lost both parents. (This is rhetorical, you don't have to share intimate details on your family)

Digging a ditch sounds like it may actually be a great idea. He needs something to express energy on. Working like a mad dog may heal whatever is broken inside.

 

[Yrdawg]

Whoa
Sounds very familiar...we raised ours and by 18 I wouldn't give any hope of him not doing time, got in with wrong bunch...you name it. He got a couple burger jobs and then got busted with a couple pills and started to work his way through the court system, short story, he was very fortunate, there was a small church load of people praying for him and the court system saw him for what he was...they made some hard choices easy for him, he's doing way better now, working as a pipe fitter helper making more than me. Is this the end of a fairy tale story ?? Hardly, but he has a fighting chance now cause HE made some changes inside. I promise to pray for yours to make the personal choices we can't make for them.

I personally like the military option, mine went thru all the recruiters, but still just wouldn't commit. He did however have a GED, True that school is not for all ...I told him to quit in senior year. He did, went to Adult Ed and got through the GED process.

O...I forgot to mention we did the physical part too, thank God He was there and made Ms Dawg move faster than any chunky little country girl ever had...the hard to forget stuff was avoided.

My hardest part was backing off and letting him make mistakes in a friendly manner, OMG that was hard but it was a definite turning point

You are hitting the hardest highest wall I ever experienced...but it can be done. There are still way more success stories than failures.

 

[honestlou]

If he "failed terribly" in all areas of a beginning GED test book, maybe there is a learning disability there. Has he been adequately tested? He can be intelligent enough, but if he's dyslexic or something else, he's going to have problems with school work. For most people, you lose interest pretty quick in something you're not good at or can't deal with. I'd want to eliminate that as a possibility first.

There are 'military schools'--boarding schools with an atmosphere of discipline. They work for the right people.

My last suggestion is tough love. If he doesn't like school, that's fine, but find something to do to pay the rent. If he has free room and board, that makes it easy for him to make bad decisions.

 

[davidd]

Not have all the background, or even knowing if this is a good fit, I'll chime in on what I do know about. In the corporate environment, you usually cannot even get into the door without some type of college degree (HS Diploma or GED is an absolute must!). That being said, certain areas of Information Technology are still exceptions. I hired someone in 1998 who was barely a high school grad with less than one year of college. However, this person knew how to use MS-DOS and Novell. He turned out to be the best hire I have ever made and currently works for Cisco Systems in North Carolina making better money than me.

We have positions open from time to time, and all of them have a college requirement. However, to this day, I would rather hire someone with a couple of years of real world network engineering experience than a fresh out of college grad. Now getting the initial training and some experience may be a challenge, but it is still a field where you can earn a decent living without a college degree.

Being in a rural area, you may not have access to training or jobs. But the military is HEAVILY involved in computer networking systems and VoIP technology (phones running over Internet connections). If he could get into either a technical training program (Microsoft MCSE or Cisco CCNA), or somehow get into equivalent programs in the military, he would be in an excellent position upon release to enter the professional world. Some high schools even offer classes that are geared to MSCE and CCNA training.

Again, not knowing all of your specifics, this may not work for you. But Info Tech is one of the few professional fields left where college degrees are still optional to some extent. Just a thought, and our best wishes and prayers are with you.

 

[bayoupirate]

Good to hear that he's not a bad kid, but it sounds like he has a lot of idle time on his hands.

This program was created for kids that don't respond to regular school.
It's run by the National Guard.

http://www.ngycp.org/site/state/la/

 

[Azimuth]

http://www.thetotaltransformation.com/?utm_source=MSN&utm_medium=cpc&utm_term=%7Bkeyword%7D&utm_campaign=Behavior%2BModification&dsource=MSNNB1

 

[Golden-Eagle]

Bayoupirate is on the mark. PM me for more.

 

[tadsstuff]

+1 on the Army National Guard's Youth Challenge Program. It's targetted a "not bad kids" who need some direction and focus. At least in Louisiana, each of the 3 sites is headed by a professional educator and they have a really excellent track record on getting kids through their GED. There's no military service requirement, but at least some of the graduates do wind up entering the National Guard or one of the active duty services. Great program.