Wife against carrying...help!

[Reese917]

So, here is my dilemma...

My new wife has a problem with me carrying when we go out together. The thought of me ever having to draw my weapon just scares the crap out of her. She does not have any problems with guns in general. She has even been to the range with me (a great shot) and most all the men in her family are into guns (some much more than me). She knows that I carry when I am not with her and has never said anything about it.

It is not like this is anything new, ever since I got my CHL she has always said "you're not really going to carry though, right?" She seems to prefer that I avoid conflict at all costs and take a completely passive approach to our safety. When I try to talk to her about it she generally blows it off. When I have gotten her to talk about it she asks me dumb questions like "so if some does _____ you are just going to shoot them?" I always just put off the argument with the hopes that she would eventually become comfortable with the idea and I would be able to talk sensibly to her about it.

She really does not have any reason not to trust me or to think I would draw for an unjustified reason or enter into any unnecessary conflict (never was one to get in a fight).

I am looking for any constructive criticism (come on ladies/wives) on how to strike a nerve with her and get her to take her (and my) safety seriously. I sometimes make comments about waiting for something bad to happen before she agrees to allow me to carry, but that never goes over well.

I am a strong proponent of second amendment rights and understand the responsibility required to be an armed citizen in today’s world, but how do I make her understand that? I will not be able to live with myself if I ever end up in the position of the helpless, defenseless victim (even though I could be any day on the "gun free zone" college campus, but that is for another thread).

Thanks in advance for any thoughts/suggestions.

-Reese

 

[spanky]

Have her read this thread : http://www.bayoushooter.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25173

 

[Storm52]

Was old wife more understanding?

 

[Reese917]

Was old wife more understanding?

Ha, this is my first wife. By "new" I just meant we are newly married, coming up on 2 months.

 

[charlie12]

Maybe your next wife will be ok with it.

 

[kajuntriton]

Not really advice, I just hopes she becomes more comfortable with you CC'ing BEFORE something horriable happens and you are NOT CC'ing!
Explain to her just because you have a firearm does NOT mean you are going to shoot someone, it only means you have required tools to PROTECT HER should the need arise!

 

[JBP55]

You should have had an understanding before getting married. Be prepared to protect your new bride as well a yourself. Start carrying Today and take her shooting weekly and she may be ready to carry soon.

 

[cvinson]

You should have had an understanding before getting married. Be prepared to protect your new bride as well a yourself. Start carrying Today and take her shooting weekly and she may be ready to carry soon.

I totally agree...get her involved so it might develop into something you both can share.... That way you can buy twice as much ammo!

 

[Guate_shooter]

I think after she read what Spanky posted she will somehow understand, best way to get her to give in is by including her into your training schedulle, there are lots of outstanding instructors in your area who can help you with introduction classes that might get her attention if that doesnt get her to check out crime reports from your area, police response in your area, and maybe even some reallly drastic and nasty picture video material from crime in your area, she will understand that you are taking a responsability to protect not only yourself as a house provider but your family by CC'ing and that you need her to support you and help you with a "safe plan"; this should include how to handle situations when at home, when in the vehicle, when in public and so on. I am not trying to get you all paranoid about the situation or even make her more scared of you CC'ing but if you prepare ahead of time to the "what if" it becomes second nature behavior not only for you but to her since her responsability will be to keep the children safe and together while you tackle the BG, just my .02.

Wish you the best with your situation, please keep us posted on it.

 

[dantheman]

Sometimes you just have to tell them to " get over it " . Seriously . What is she going to do , divorce you ? Get mad ? Big deal , life goes on . I'm not trying to be a hardass , but logic and reason is usually lost on a woman , as they tend to run on emotion .

 

[jmcrawf1]

Make her watch the news more. Everytime you read a thread about somebody getting killed etc etc make her read it. I think I got mine pretty well afraid to walk outside No, but seriously SHOW her why you carry. SHOW her what happens to good people for no reason except for thug mentality.

Now before we leave to go out my gf hugs my waist and kinda runs her hand around my belt line. Yep, there it is.

Initially though, I got a good gun belt and holster. Concealed means concealed. When she finds out you've been carrying for the past however many months under her nose and no babies or kitties got hurt then it may alleviate some fears.

Good luck

 

[LACamper]

Do you have any LEO friends? Go out to dinner sometimes with them. Let them bring up a few cases where a CCW made a difference without shooting. Also, hanging out with others that also CCW whose wives are cool with it might help. Show her that its normal and OK, as well as that there are many others around her carrying than she realizes.

 

[Nick]

Concealed means concealed.....
seriously, I did this with a girlfriend, she has similar views on concealed carry and firearms ownership (although she didn't enjoy pistol shooting). She has no problem with a pistol in the house but didn't like carry. I did it anyway, she didn't know until........ one day we were at Wal-Mart and she put her hand around my waist and she felt the pistol tucked IWB. Her eyes got quite big and she asked if that was what she thought it was, I told her "yes". She said she didn't realize that I had been carrying, I told her that I always carry unless I'm drinking (which wasn't 100% correct, I didn't have it on me that often, but it served it's purpose). At that point she realized that if she couldn't detect any difference between me armed and unarmed then having a gun on me really didn't make me a different person. She never had a problem with it again.

 

[Gus McCrae]

She seems to prefer that I avoid conflict at all costs and take a completely passive approach to our safety.


When I have gotten her to talk about it she asks me dumb questions like "so if some does _____ you are just going to shoot them?"

If you carry, you should avoid conflict. It should only come out in a life or death situation.

For the second part, I'd ask her if she that I was a deranged lunatic looking to shoot someone, because that's what she's making it sound like.

 

[flamatrix99]

logic and reason is usually lost on a woman , as they tend to run on emotion .

Truer words have never been spoken!

 

[Safari]

That is how it starts, next thing you know you will be doing the dishes and the laundry. If you don't do the laundry correctly she will use the gun on you. Think about it you have only been married 2 months.

Seriously my wife went thru the concealed carry course but did not get her license and won't carry. She doesn't care if I do but gives me that nothing will happen attitude. Some people do not get the parachute analogy which is the parachute is worthless until you need it, but when you need it you really need it.

Here is the but, I have a camping trailer and I was returning from a trip late at night and clipped a curb bet an axel and blew out a tire. I know my wife is correct I am a dumb ass. I had to stop in a bad area to change tire and get the trailer in good enough shape to get home, the first thing out of her mouth was do you have your gun, the light went on. I always have a gun available when I am on the road nothing like stopping on the side of the road and have someone roll up on you. I may not be carrying on my person but one is always near.

 

[Nolacopusmc]

Have her read this thread : http://www.bayoushooter.com/forums/showthread.php?t=25173

+1 Probably one of our best collective threads as a board.

 

[Hitman]

As Brannon pointed out with analogies, my wife seemed to really understand the Fire Extinguisher in the house and wearing a seat belt.

You don't wear your seat belt b/c you WANT to get in a wreck,
You don't keep a fire extinguisher in the house b/c you WANT your house to catch fire. You do/have these for those “just in case” moments.

If you don't do either of these, they can be just as costly.
Lots of house fires start by a very small fire on the stove. One puff from a Fire Extinguisher could have ended it, but you didn’t have one.

Shall we really go over the statistics of those who wear their seatbelts vs those who don't? and what happens to those who don't?

The fact is, there’s no respawn in life. You only get one, live your life knowing that that is true. Take the necessary precautions. You can buy new homes and appliances, and there’s lots of secondary safety features on vehicles that keep you safe too. Life however DOES NOT come with these secondary safety features. YOU are the first line of defense when it comes to your life and the lives of you family.

That's what helped my wife, she's still not 100% calm about it, but that's good imo. Get to lax around firearms and you could make a mistake. She's calm enough to fire them and do so in a safe way. She also trust in my ability to employ the weapon if need be. That's probably the main thing too.

I’d also take Brannon up on his offer. Although I’ve never been to his class, knowing him on here and seeing the reactions/comments people have about his class, as we’ll as observing his knowledge of Firearm carry, the laws pertaining to it, and employing firearms, I’m quite certain it’s well worth the money, yet he has offered it to her for Free. He’s offered my wife the same thing; we just live 4 hours away lol!


Jokingly, I’d ask her if she wants to carry instead of you...Don't do that, it was a joke

 

[leVieux]

Some have been terminally brainwashed and are hopeless.
However, try these:
1) Buy a .22 pistol and take her shooting frequently, range or plinking.
2) Join NRA and subscribe to their defense magazine.
3) Pay for a session or two with a professional teacher. Make sure that she shoots during these sessions.
4) Ask some of us older guys to speak with her.
Most of us have seen this in our own families. My own D-i-L, from a shooting family, with gun owning/using father, brother, & B-i-L's, etc. refuses to even look at a gun, even when home alone protecting her children.
It is borne of ignorance aggravated by our constant bombardment of false propaganda from the "educational & media" establishments.
Good luck,
leVieux
p.s. I see that Brannon Nolacop/NolaTac has a post above. He is a very experienced, highly -educated pro in this sort of thing. He or someone like him would be a great start.

 

[honestlou]

When I try to talk to her about it she generally blows it off. When I have gotten her to talk about it she asks me dumb questions like "so if some does _____ you are just going to shoot them?" I always just put off the argument with the hopes that she would eventually become comfortable with the idea and I would be able to talk sensibly to her about it.
-Reese

You have to continue the argument (discussion) until it is resolved. She is basing her opinion on an irrational fear, and at this point the best you can do is get her to admit that she does indeed have an irrational fear. Continue making a logical, rational, argument with all of the points mentioned in this thread, ie. preparation doesn't mean you are hoping to use it, it is just a tool as many others, etc. At some point she will realize that she does not have a rational argument against it, and will have to admit that her fear is irrational. That is the starting point for her to work on her irrational fear.